and all of this open air has caused me to choke
Saturday, May 7, 2005
Thursday, April 7, 2005
Monday, January 31, 2005
9:23PM - god.
uterus for sale
only 7 cents
uterus for sale
it's not a big expense
Sunday, January 30, 2005
holy fucking christ on a plank of wood.!@#$%&!@#?!
daniel called me.
told me "it's over".
on a more positive note; i have a bottle of whipped cream with my name written all over it. and it'll be finished by approximately 2:05am.
fuck you daniel; and your cuntslut british whorebag.
am i jealous? beyond fucking belief. i wanted to be the one to wake up to =the smell of cigarettes mixed with cheap cologne, gaze into those deep brown eyes that are marked with strands of green, feel the pulse of what was keeping me hanging on...
have a nice life.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
11:11AM - hate.
i want to be stabbed in the heart and left alone to bleed.
i hate this life that i lead. ;\
Sunday, January 23, 2005
These little conversations leave me paralyzed.
I long to speech to you, yet when I get that moment, all that comes out is "Hello Daniel. I'm fine, yourself? That's good. Well, I guess I'll let you go back to studying. Oh no, It's fine, I understand. Yeah. Bye."
When what I want to say is "Daniel. I love you. New Jersey has not been the same without you. My bed has never been so dissolute, so cold. I'm not fine, I'm not okay in the slighest bit. My ribcage has collapsed and is starting to scar up my heart. I cannot sleep. Pumpkin spice lattes have never tasted as good as they did with you. I sware I haven't smiled in weeks. Is this mutual, or are you setting me up for the greatest let down? I love you. It's simple. I don't understand your ways at all. Ever since you've moved to England I feel as if you've forgotton about that girl, who stood outside your house in the pouring rain, throwing rocks at your window to give you a birthday card at exactly 12:03 a.m. on your birthday. Please..give me an explanation. Anything except this awkward silence and blunt remarks."
If he only knew...
Thursday, December 23, 2004
8:42PM - England. Sigh.
Daniel's in England.
I'm in New Jersey going clinically insane without him.
My heart is shattered.
I miss him dearly.
Why do I miss him more than I should?
Why can I not express my undying infatuation for him?
I am such a bloody cunt.
I wish I could just be blunt. Straight to the point.
I miss our long conversations about our love for chi tea or our "big plans" on leaving town. I miss the way he placed his cold hands on my face. I miss his soft, delicate voice that would sing me to sleep. I miss the warmth of his body when I'd wake up in the morning, not alone. I miss everything, even his annoying habbits like always asking me "what's wrong" or him playing with his lip ring. I miss it all.
It should go drown in the bottom of the Atlantic.
Then my baby would have never even been there to begin with.
Yes, I am a selfish whore. But, love is strong. And baby, this is real love.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
9:03AM - Wishing on a star.
Waiting is so hard to do.
Me with my love.
I love this dress so much. I think I may attempt at re-cretaing it.
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
3:10PM - Lover.
"we're glad for what we've got, done with what we lost."
I need a lover.
End of story.
Sunday, December 5, 2004
"if i could be your first real heartache i would do it over again. if you could be my punk rock princess, i would be your heroine."
Last night totally rocked. So much hotness all in one nighy. So many emo boys in tight jeans. <3
Kitty hooked up with this guy Dave who she had met there and OMG was he hot! Way to be a slut babe! I was a little drunk off my ass, and had one too many smokes, but what else is new. Overall a good time was had by all. And might I add I did enjoy myself.
During last night though, I was recieving weird vibes from Jake. Like those signals you get when your in 8th grade by the boy who secretly has a crush on you..he thinks you don't know, but you really do. Yeah. It wasn't just me either who noticed it. Kitty, Emilee and John all said something to me, and how Jake was acting flirtly and shy around me which was way unusal for Jake, the guy who ran around town naked singing Van Halen at 4 A.M. I'm not really sure what's up..I don't think I could ever even picture myself "being with" Jake. Just seems wrong to date a guy I've been close friends with since the second grade.
Tonight I have to study. YES STUDY! I have to pass this chem. test on Monday because if I don't, momma won't let me go to the My Chemical Romance concert on the 30th. *bitches*
Therefore, I must pass this test with a 90 or above being that my average as of now is a 42 I think.
Oh! I bought my sisters gift yesterday! Because yeah, I'm awesome like that and spent a crapload of money on her! I bought her a Louie Vuitton handbag. Yes, LOUIE VUITTON! With the handbag I bought her 5 eyeshadows from MAC and 2 brushes. The makeup and brushes alone came to $130.00, and the Louie handbag that came to $350. So that's a total of about $480. Thank god my dad was feeling grateful and lended me a load of cash. But, it was for my sister and I haven't seen her in forever so. I cannot wait until she comes home from California! Woo. Ok.
I think that's about it.
Saturday, December 4, 2004
11:52AM - Broken Promises&Beer.
"and to go back to where i was would just be wrong, i'm pressing on"
I just awakened. I resemble a cat that had just crawled out of a toliet. What can I say, I cannot be so totally uber hot all the time.
Last night was a blast. I broke my promise though! Kitty was there though and that little skank bummed a cig off of me as well. We both suck at life. At least we suck together though.
Tonight. Saturday. What do I have planned? I'm not even sure. I'm going to guess were all going over to Jake's house because I remember him saying last night he wanted to have a little shin dig. He has kegs and so forth, so maybe tonight will be happening.
This afternoon I think I'm going to accomplish a bit of Christmas shopping with Kitty and Emilee. I need to get my sister an amazing gift because well, let's face it. She is amazing. I'm done.
Friday, December 3, 2004
"if you could give me one more chance i swear i’d give anything to be with you.
if you could only turn my way again
don’t fall in love with someone new."
Tonight is RedBank with the kiddies. We're going to see Jimmy play. I am somewhat anxious about going. I dressed up tonight as well. I'm reppin the checkered mini skirt, the perals, my social d tee, and but of course my black pumps. Oh! Anddd the poka dot headband which may I say is quite lovely. Oh yes. It is.
I'm going on four days now without a smoke. It's driving me insane, but I promised Kitty that I wouldn't, so I'm trying not to break that promise. Not within the first week that is (hopefully I can make it that long).
I really badly want to see Le Tigre play a show damnit. This makes me terribly upset...
and want to smoke. Ah! Jesus Christ strike me now.
God damn him!!@#$%&*